


when my mind searches for peace

by thesecretdetectivecollection



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Complicated Relationships, M/M, a bit of established relationship, because i needed something to do, ish, post UCL final 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:49:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesecretdetectivecollection/pseuds/thesecretdetectivecollection
Summary: Jamie and Steven fall back into old patterns in Kiev.





	when my mind searches for peace

He doesn’t see Stevie after the match. He’s focused on the players, on consoling them as best he can.

So it’s late that night and his son is asleep in the other bed of their room when he gets the text.

_Still up?_

_Course I am._

_Come see me?_ Jamie’s never really been able to say no, not to his captain, so he reaches for the hotel stationery and writes James a note saying he’s gone out for a walk, and he leaves the room, careful to close the door quietly, though his lad is much like him and could sleep through anything short of a hurricane.

He walks through the hotel in his pajamas and doesn’t care who sees, as he takes the stairs to Stevie’s floor, finds his room, and knocks.

The door opens almost instantly and Jamie finds himself pulled into Stevie’s arms. “Can’t wind down,” he mutters into the skin of Jamie’s neck, “can’t stop thinking about it and seeing it and I can’t relax enough to sleep—“

Jamie empathizes far too much, and hugs him back. “What do you need?” He asks quietly. He knows, but he just needs to hear it. It’s been a long time since they’d done this, he wants to make sure he isn’t misunderstanding.

“You know what I need, J. What we both need.”

“Do you have—“

“—on the nightstand. I wasn’t just being lazy until you got here, love.”

The endearment indicates the shift in their relationship. They always do this, to switch gears from friends to—lovers doesn’t feel like quite the right word, but there isn’t a better one Jamie can think of.

“Sweetheart,” he says tenderly, giving in to the man he becomes when they do this.

Stevie melts into his embrace and leads the way to his bed, holding Jamie’s hand.

“Wanted fast and hard,” he confesses, as his fingers shift under Jamie’s shirt and work on undressing him, “but that’s not us, is it? And I didn’t want you to remember it being like that. Wanted to make it good, love. Like it always is. Thought I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else if you fucked me hard, if it hurt a bit. But I never think about anything else when it’s us together. And I want it to be us, the way it’s always been.”

“The way it’ll always be,” Jamie promises softly, leaning over and kissing him, “even at Glasgow, if you need me.”

“Pretty sure I’m always going to need you,” Stevie confesses, and in the lamplight, they’re both bare-chested. Bringing up Glasgow hasn’t helped, it’s shifted things even more.

There are things Jamie could say, things he feels, but he keeps them to himself.

_I wish you didn’t have to go._

_I don’t want you to go._

_I’ll be so lonely without you._

_What will we do when we need each other then?_

Instead he looks into Stevie’s eyes and brushes his hair back from his forehead. “And you’ll always have me,” he promises again, “whenever you need.”

If it feels like a vow, neither of them remark on it.

Jamie nudges Stevie down to the bed and strips off his joggers, following with his own shorts just after.

“What do you want tonight, baby?” he asks kindly, hovering above him, knees on either side of Stevie’s hips, still supporting his own weight.

“I don’t know,” Stevie confesses, pulling him in close for a kiss. “You.”

Jamie smiles and kisses him again. “Let’s just see how we feel in a bit,” he offers, letting Stevie kiss along his neck and letting out a quiet hum.

“Heard you talked to them afterwards,” Stevie whispers.

Jamie shakes his head. “We’re not talking about that, Steven,” his voice is gentle but firm. “Just think about me, okay? Think about me, think about your Jamie.”

Stevie likes it, when Jamie calls himself his. His eyes are on him, steady and unwavering as they kiss again. He lets himself think of all the times they’d done this in the past, after tough times.

“Want this,” he mumbles against Jamie’s neck, parting his legs and reaching down to touch Jamie where he most wants to be touched.

The touch is electric, still, in the way that their first touch always is, every single time. Jamie jerks slightly at the feeling of Stevie’s fingers wrapping around him before he settles.

“Okay, babe, give me just a second to get you prepped and then we’re going to make love and fall asleep, you and me, okay?”

Stevie lays back and enjoys being looked at, in that wonderful way Jamie has, as if Stevie’s the most beautiful thing that he’s ever seen.

He’s half on the verge of saying something about it, but that’s when Jamie starts pressing a finger into him, gentle but firm, and soon Stevie can’t focus on much of anything other than keeping quiet so they don’t wake up the whole hotel.

That doesn’t mean he’s patient, though. It’s been so long since the last time, and the desire to forget the final has morphed into nothing short of lust.

Suddenly he doesn’t care about the final anymore, just wants Jamie inside him, just wants to feel Jamie’s back under his fingernails, wants to feel Jamie’s breath on his neck.

“Hurry up, puppy,” he demands, voice tinged with a whine.

Jamie grins. “You haven’t called me that in months, you know.” He makes sure Stevie’s properly ready and carefully slicks himself up.

“You’re my puppy,” Stevie mumbles, pulling Jamie closer and kissing him hard. “ _My_ puppy.”

Jamie flashes back, remembering how he’d earned that nickname, back when they were both still in their teens. “Yours,” he agrees, gasping as Stevie kisses his neck and doesn’t shy away from using his teeth, either.

“So hurry up! Need it, need you—“

 _I hope not_ , Jamie thinks, in half a second, _I hope you don’t need me. Otherwise things will get hard, when you go._

But he doesn’t say anything and just presses himself into Stevie. He stops when he bottoms out, feels Stevie’s fingernails digging into the skin of his upper back, a silent plea to wait for a few heartbeats.

Jamie does, waiting until the pressure of nails against his skin eases and Stevie’s breathing follows suit, the slow, shallow breaths shifting to quick, impatient ones.

That’s when Jamie starts moving, slowly at first, but Stevie’s urging him on with every glance, every touch, every breathy moan that he tries to silence but can’t.

“Gorgeous,” Jamie whispers, almost without realizing it. Stevie realizes, though, and he looks back at him with such intense emotion in his eyes that neither of them can be bothered to think about anything other than this, which is the whole point.

It doesn’t take an incredibly long time for Stevie to climax, and his orgasm triggers Jamie’s, and they lay together for a moment, panting and sweaty, before Jamie pulls out. He gets up then, despite Stevie’s whine, and goes to the bathroom, taking out a damp washcloth and cleaning them both up. “There, sweetheart,” he says tenderly, setting the washcloth aside and pulling Stevie close, “now we can sleep. It’s better than taking a shower, isn’t it?”

Stevie smiles at him and pulls him close. “I wish you didn’t have to go in the morning.”

Jamie hesitates, but they’ve always been honest afterwards, and he doesn’t want to stop now. That doesn’t mean he can’t wait for Stevie to fall asleep, though.

He’s laying on his back and ignoring the faint irritation from the scratch marks his captain had so kindly left him, and the aforementioned captain is in his arms, nestling into his body and sighing, perfectly content, and he’s asleep in what feels like seconds.

Jamie’s not far off—sex has been the one thing that has reliably gotten him sleepy his entire adult life, but he brushes his fingers through Stevie’s hair. “I wish you didn’t have to go either,” he whispers, kissing the soft strands of hair and letting his eyes close.  
\---

Waking up with Stevie isn’t unfamiliar, per se, but it isn’t the norm, either. Most nights he wakes up alone, or with Nic, not with his one exception. Stevie’s broader than Nic, and he cuddles more, and he radiates heat like a furnace in the mornings, even though he has ice cold feet at night, and Jamie loves him.

He hates doing it, but he nudges him gently, whispers to him until he wakes up. It’s early, still, but he’s got to get showered and back to his son, after all.

“Time to say goodbye, sweetheart,” he whispers.

“No,” Stevie says, childlike in his stubbornness.

“It’s just for a little while, love,” Jamie croons, “just so I can say goodbye to my dad and my lad and then you and me are going off to Holland, remember? We’ve got Dirk’s testimonial today. So we’ve got to say goodbye, but just for a few hours. I know it’s awful, but we’ve got to.”

Stevie pouts, but opens his eyes slowly. “Kiss goodbye?” he asks hopefully.

Jamie smiles and obliges his captain. “See you in a bit, then, love.”

He slips out of bed, fully aware of Stevie’s eyes watching him get dressed. He rolls his eyes at the gesture and tugs his shirt over his chest.

“It’s inside out, baby,” Stevie says, still staring unabashedly.

Jamie flushes and corrects his mistake, walking back over and leaning down for another kiss before he goes. “How’d you feel about joining the mile high club today?” he teases as he heads towards the door, grinning as he hears Stevie groan at the thought.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a quote I found on google "You are my favorite place to go to when my mind searches for peace."
> 
> As far as their relationship is concerned: They are both married, and happily. They are faithful to their wives, who know and allow them the single exception of their work husband. So their encounters are sporadic, but their feelings for each other aren't diminished by that. So this isn't infidelity.


End file.
